Some girls lie because they are embarrassed about the guys they slept with, I on the other hand, lied about guys I hadn't slept with and created an awful reputation for myself. I would like to take a moment to set the record strait although I'm certain none of the people I hurt with these lies will ever read this.
When I was 12, I kept a phony journal which I would write about things which never happened in. My life was boring, I lived on a ranch in the middle of nowhere with no friends for 30 miles. The journal started out just that, an honest assimilation of heartfelt thoughts and dreams- but one day at school, a note that had been passed in class got into the wrong hands and that's when I realized that I could do this with a journal and everyone would believe whatever was on those pages because after all, who would lie to their journal, right? So, I created an alter ego, one who stopped riding her dirt bike alone, and began riding with cute neighbor Brett (who by the way, was not completely fictional, rather inspired by a 3 year old neighbor whose name I liked.)
Then there was Grant, my best friend Rita's cousin who lived in LA who I secretly crushed on. I assimilated a romantic fantasy evening spent necking underneath the large trampoline in his backyard while Rita and i were visiting one time. When my "diary" got out, this is the one that not only ruined my first "relationship" with my 13 year old boyfriend but may have put the first rift between Rita and I because as far as she knew, it could have happened. Or perhaps she knew it didn't happen at all.
I also told my friend Melissa that I kissed Rita's boyfriend Lino, although that never even came close to happening.
Later, I pined away for this guy Ricky for so long...he cheated on his girlfriend with someone else and we spent countless hours alone together so when I told everyone in my circle about this magical kiss that I conjured, it was believable. But it inevitably contributed to the frequent brawls I ended up having with his then girlfriend.
That was it.
But after creating quite the bad girl reputation for myself that I had, real or falsified, I fell into another trap of lies. And these lies may have proved more damaging as they were the ones that covered up sexual encounters that were true.
I am sorry, Lauren, for Freddy. Although you guys were broken up, I knew what he meant to you. I knew this, but I went behind your back and slept with him for months on the down low, because in truth, I really liked him too. I felt like although you and I were friends, you were never really my friend and would have done the same thing to me if our roles had been reversed. In fact, I know you would have.
I'm sorry Erica, for Billy. You guys were only just beginning and I didnt think anything would really become of you two- I was just trying to make Manuel jealous. What I didn't realize at the time, was that I would lose a friend very dear to my heart.
I'm sorry Andrea, for Dave. Even though he was a one night stand to me long before you two had considered dating- I just didn't think who I slept with was any of your business. How was I to know you would end up having two kids together?
I'm sorry Melissa, for Felipe. You had been out of both of our lives for several years and it was a complete surprise when you resurfaced into our lives. I admitted to you what I had done, not because I saw it as wrong, but because I knew you would find out and hold it against me.
I am sorry, Dearl, for Shelby. I had no right to violate our relationship and put your heart at such distress. I love you.
I understand why I lied about the people who I got with and shouldn't have. But I will always wonder why I defamed my reputation so early on about imaginary boyfriends. And a word of wisdom: Nothing good ever comes about lying about sex.
No comments:
Post a Comment